1 00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:04,047 . 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,918 - "Will and Grace" is recorded 3 00:00:05,962 --> 00:00:07,268 in front of a live studio audience. 4 00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:08,660 - Okay, so let's see. 5 00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,185 You and Jenny have both had the level two ultrasound 6 00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:13,056 and done all the scary genetic tests. 7 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,101 - Right. 8 00:00:14,144 --> 00:00:15,798 - We've taken Lamaze, baby-proofed, 9 00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,495 ordered cribs and changing tables. 10 00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:18,670 - Done. Check. 11 00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,803 - You both started your prenatal Pilates 12 00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:23,371 and have been going twice a week for four weeks. 13 00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:27,853 That's on me. 14 00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:30,769 Okay, so, we've done everything we need to. 15 00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:33,076 I think we can actually relax. 16 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,165 - It feels so good! 17 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,167 We are crushing pregnancy, Will. 18 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,560 - Should we write a book about it? 19 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:42,216 - We could call it "Will and Grace Crush Babies." 20 00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:44,348 - And get Casey Anthony to do the audiobook. 21 00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,698 [knocking at door] 22 00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,527 - Open up, I've got a baby emergency! 23 00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,268 - Larry? What are you-- 24 00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:52,878 Oh! 25 00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,316 You must be Larry's granddaughter! 26 00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:56,752 And your name is... 27 00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:58,188 - Wheat. 28 00:00:58,232 --> 00:01:01,148 [both laugh] 29 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,151 Her name is Wheat. 30 00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,848 - So pretty. - Beautiful name, yeah. 31 00:01:05,891 --> 00:01:07,850 - It's a ridiculous name. 32 00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,286 I need your TV. 33 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:10,809 Our cable's out. 34 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:13,769 For some reason, the sound of Bobby Flay grilling meat 35 00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:16,728 is the only thing that puts her to sleep. 36 00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:20,558 - Grace too. 37 00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:23,126 How's Hannah doing as a mom? 38 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,693 She had to take a break from college, right? 39 00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:28,914 - She dropped out to make green juice for dogs. 40 00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,655 - But Hannah always seemed so together. 41 00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:33,223 - Wake up, Grace. That was all a front. 42 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:36,313 Joe and I were the first gay couple we knew with a baby, 43 00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:39,490 so we had to say she was perfect. 44 00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:42,798 Her life went off the rails in kindergarten. 45 00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:44,669 - What, did she get hooked on graham crackers? 46 00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:47,803 - And here comes Will with his jokes! 47 00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,239 We waited too long 48 00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:51,763 to sign her up for the best elementary school, 49 00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,939 so she didn't get in to the best high school, 50 00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,767 and after that, it was a train wreck. 51 00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:57,552 - I thought she went to NYU. 52 00:01:57,595 --> 00:02:01,425 - Northern Yonkers University. 53 00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:03,862 Their motto is, "Let's call it a day." 54 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,171 Don't make the same mistake. 55 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,695 Set your children on the right path before it's too late. 56 00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,349 - Oh, well, we did the research. 57 00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:14,960 We want them to go to that school in Harlem-- 58 00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:17,180 both: Global Citizens Academy. 59 00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,530 - Like, all of their kids end up going to Ivy League. 60 00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,184 - You're already signed up? 61 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,620 - Well, they're not even born yet. 62 00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:25,406 - Then you're already too late. 63 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:27,277 They fill up years in advance. 64 00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,236 - What? 65 00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:31,586 Come on, we gotta get to that school right now. 66 00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:32,587 - Now? 67 00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:33,805 I promised Jenny I'd help her 68 00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,503 with some new internet thing she's doing. 69 00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,374 - Well, send Jack, 70 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:41,291 unless you want our kids to be dog-juice-making losers. 71 00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:44,164 Sorry. 72 00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,296 - No, shame her mother in front of her. 73 00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,907 She needs to learn. 74 00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:51,910 [upbeat trumpet and piano music] 75 00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:58,961 ♪ 76 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:05,185 [Velcro ripping slowly] 77 00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:08,710 - Doesn't that feel so good? 78 00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:10,407 - Oh, my God, I can totally feel the tingling 79 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,279 on the top of my head. 80 00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:15,412 Like whenever Chris Pine is in the city. 81 00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,545 - So that's the point of an ASMR video. 82 00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,982 You make sounds that trigger responses in your brain 83 00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:21,244 that help you relax. 84 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,637 - And people pay for that? 85 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:23,855 - Hell yeah, they do. 86 00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:25,814 I once curled ribbons for 20 minutes 87 00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:26,945 and made 600 bucks. 88 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,947 - How did I not know about this? 89 00:03:28,991 --> 00:03:31,602 I curl ribbons every day for free. 90 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,256 - Well, I'm stoked that you're doing this, 91 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,736 because it's much better with two people. 92 00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,955 - Just be glad it's me and not Will. 93 00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,609 Yeah, I know we're not supposed to say this 94 00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:39,610 about women anymore, 95 00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:42,352 but Will is so shrill. 96 00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:45,399 - Let's do a practice one. - Okay. 97 00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:47,444 - [softly] So, remember 98 00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:50,578 to speak softly, 99 00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:53,798 and over-articulate 100 00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:56,714 your consonants. 101 00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:59,064 - [softly] Right. 102 00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,980 It's like what my new acting teacher, 103 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,287 Tracy Pecosta, 104 00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:05,810 taught me to do 105 00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,030 so that I don't sound 106 00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:12,469 like a homosexual. 107 00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:16,821 - It's bedtime, so don't forget to brush your teeth. 108 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:22,044 [brushing] 109 00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:26,309 - And your hair. 110 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:29,399 [brushing] 111 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,709 I like to do it 50 times 112 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,493 on each side 113 00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,539 for a total of... 114 00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:46,590 100 times. 115 00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:49,767 - Well, thanks again for coming all the way out. 116 00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:53,597 - Honey, the ride up here was worth the ride in here. 117 00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:54,903 And after what we just did, 118 00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:57,732 I may have to borrow that thing. 119 00:04:57,775 --> 00:05:00,604 [giggles] 120 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,345 I can see myself out. 121 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,651 - No way. 122 00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,870 A gentleman always rolls a lady to the door. 123 00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:06,871 - True, 124 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:10,614 but you, sir, are no gentleman. 125 00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,573 - No, I'm not. 126 00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:15,619 There's the door, woman. 127 00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,752 - I'll see you tomorrow, Jenny. 128 00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:18,927 Hey, Kar. 129 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,407 I didn't know you were gonna be here. 130 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:21,712 I would've asked for a ride up. 131 00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,497 - But I'm already here. 132 00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,063 - Can't argue with that. 133 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:28,458 So, uh, you and Luke, huh? 134 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,591 [both laugh] 135 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:31,853 Getting a tune-up? 136 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:34,595 Oh! - Ooh, yeah! 137 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,988 - Rotating your tires? 138 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:40,470 - [revving] - Woo! [laughs] 139 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,472 - Just getting my oil changed, 140 00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,996 getting my fluids topped off. 141 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:49,697 Getting all my points and plugs adjusted. 142 00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:53,527 [both laugh] 143 00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:56,747 Yeah. 144 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:59,837 - We're talking about sex, right? 145 00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,578 - Honey, what are you doing here? 146 00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:04,189 - Oh, I'm helping Jenny with this ASMR thing. 147 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,626 - Oh, fun. 148 00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:07,758 I used to make those videos for Stan 149 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,499 when he was out of town. 150 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:10,935 Nothing put that man to sleep 151 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:14,939 like the bubbling of melting cheese. 152 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,550 - Hey, we're livestreaming tomorrow. 153 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,900 You should do it with us. - Oh, I don't know, honey. 154 00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,162 With the baseball team 155 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:22,686 and all the work piling up at Grace's office-- 156 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:23,992 I'd love to. 157 00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,602 - Oh, great! Okay. 158 00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:26,951 Hey, can I get a ride back? 159 00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:29,824 - Sorry, I'm already gone. 160 00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:33,088 - Just my luck. 161 00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,219 - Oh, you must be Jack. 162 00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:36,744 - Oh, and you're Luke. 163 00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,615 Thank you for your service 164 00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:42,445 of my best friend. 165 00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,751 - I do it for God and country. 166 00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,187 - Yeah, I don't want to hear the specifics. 167 00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:46,710 [hacking in disgust] 168 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:49,452 I'm just happy she finally got herself a booty buddy. 169 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:50,714 - A booty buddy? 170 00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,455 - Yeah, well, since the divorce, 171 00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,239 I've been telling her she needs to find someone 172 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:56,067 who's just there for sex, you know? 173 00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:59,070 No strings attached, no emotional blah-blah, 174 00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,898 just sex. 175 00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:01,899 - And that's me? 176 00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:04,467 - Say it with pride, soldier! 177 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:08,253 You're Karen Walker's boy toy! [grunts] 178 00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:09,646 - Her boy toy? 179 00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,953 - Well, that was more wistful than, you know, pride, 180 00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:14,695 but you've probably never worked with a director before. 181 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:19,874 . 182 00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:22,877 - And now we're in the Hall of Mindfulness, 183 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,618 because here at Global Citizens, 184 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,490 we don't want our students to just be present 185 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,100 in their attendance. 186 00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:30,275 - Ooh, that's good. - I like that. 187 00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:32,060 - That's good, yeah. 188 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:35,063 ["Ode to Joy" playing] 189 00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:38,327 ♪ 190 00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,417 - Our third-graders have a concert coming up 191 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,375 in seven months. 192 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:46,030 Don't worry, they'll get there. 193 00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:47,205 Shall we sit? 194 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,216 - [laughs nervously] 195 00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:01,219 Love an alternative seat. 196 00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:04,222 Why just sit when you can work your core? 197 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,659 That structure is really cool. 198 00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:07,704 - The sixth-grade woodworking class built it 199 00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:11,055 using wood rescued from various hurricanes. 200 00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:13,449 It's a permanent reminder that something beautiful 201 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,059 can be made from tragedy. 202 00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,365 - Oh, I know. 203 00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:17,845 After Hurricane Sandy, 204 00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:20,325 I found the most comfortable sweatshirt on the street. 205 00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:27,245 [stuttering] I washed it. 206 00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:29,334 - Thanks for squeezing us in, Ms. Hinder-Haagen. 207 00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,075 This place is amazing. 208 00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:34,296 I actually saw kids running into math class. 209 00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:37,255 [laughing] I hated math! 210 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,692 Did I say math? I meant... 211 00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,476 racism. 212 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:44,959 - Excuse me? 213 00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:46,569 Headmistress Hinder-Haagen, is this a bad time? 214 00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:47,831 - How can I help you? 215 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,138 - An issue has arisen in the robotics lab. 216 00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,096 Our AI has become sentient. 217 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,708 However, its corporeal host is still in beta testing. 218 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,536 - My God, you do that here? 219 00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,320 - That's incredible! 220 00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:00,627 You'll explain-- - Later, yeah, shh. 221 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,151 - Farhan is our Student Admissions Liaison. 222 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,282 You'll be meeting with him 223 00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:05,675 for the second part of this process. 224 00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:08,156 - If I may ask, how old is your child? 225 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:09,592 And how do they identify? 226 00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,507 - Oh, ah, well, no children yet. 227 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,205 Grace's is due in April, mine in May, 228 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:17,295 and my pronouns are "he" and "is terrified." 229 00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:20,255 [both laugh] 230 00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:21,691 - We didn't know there were two children. 231 00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,127 - Oh, we're not married. 232 00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:24,302 We're just friends, 233 00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,478 but we both want our kids to go here. 234 00:09:26,522 --> 00:09:28,132 - Oh, that's going to be a problem. 235 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,612 For 2024 enrollment, 236 00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,179 we only have one spot available. 237 00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:32,397 - One? 238 00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:33,616 That's in five years! 239 00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,096 - Mm, four years. 240 00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,358 - Four years. 241 00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,795 ♪ 242 00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:41,755 [knocking at door] 243 00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:43,321 - You decent? 244 00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:46,194 'Cause I can wait till you're not. 245 00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,761 - What's up? 246 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:51,242 - Oh, I'm just helping your sister with her video, 247 00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:53,244 but afterward, I thought it'd be fun 248 00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,725 if we had a little picnic. 249 00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,815 Oh, darn. 250 00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:03,211 These aren't sandwiches, they're sex toys. 251 00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,821 And a bag of chips for after, 252 00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:08,520 'cause we're gonna need the potassium. 253 00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,566 - Yeah, I'm not really feeling it. 254 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,915 - Oh. 255 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,613 - I'm sorry, I can't be your booty call today. 256 00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:15,310 - Booty call? 257 00:10:15,353 --> 00:10:18,182 Where'd you get that idea? 258 00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,662 - It doesn't matter. 259 00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:20,924 I mean, we already agreed 260 00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,622 that if our kids can't go to the same school, 261 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:23,623 it's not the school for us. 262 00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:24,841 - Right, we're a packaged deal. 263 00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:25,842 Their loss, not ours. 264 00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:28,540 - Didn't get in? [both scream] 265 00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:29,716 Shh! 266 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,718 I finally got Wheat to sleep. 267 00:10:31,761 --> 00:10:34,503 And yes, it is 11:45 in the morning, 268 00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:37,201 and I'm having a drink. 269 00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,160 If I'm still awake in 20 minutes, 270 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:41,641 I'm going to take a bath. 271 00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,773 - How long are you planning on staying here? 272 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:48,386 - As long as that demon's unconscious. 273 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,388 Look, there's no way either of you 274 00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:52,390 were getting in to Global Citizens. 275 00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:54,088 You're not diverse enough. 276 00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,567 - What are you talking about? I'm gay. 277 00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:58,701 - [laughs] 278 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,704 What do you think this is? 2009? 279 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:05,229 I tried to play the gay card to get Hannah in. 280 00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,188 CeeCee said, "Just gay?" 281 00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:10,321 And laughed me out of their planetarium. 282 00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:13,324 - Well, I'm a single mom, so. 283 00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:14,848 I'm also Jewish. 284 00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:18,721 - So is every building on that campus. 285 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:19,940 - Well, it doesn't matter, 286 00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:21,637 'cause we're done with Global Citizens. 287 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,595 There's plenty of other good schools in this city. 288 00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:24,684 - You know what, you're right. 289 00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,250 I don't even want my kid to go there. 290 00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:27,730 - Me neither. 291 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,906 - I love that we always agree. 292 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,908 Thank you so much for seeing me again, 293 00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:33,388 Headmistress Hinder-Haagen. 294 00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:34,824 - Of course. 295 00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:37,435 - I know how important diversity is to this school. 296 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:38,785 - It is, 297 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,352 and your child would be diverse how, exactly? 298 00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:43,485 - I'm just gonna bottom line it. 299 00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:46,314 I don't know who the father is. 300 00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:47,576 So, girl to girl, 301 00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,143 tell me what diversity you're looking for, 302 00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:52,537 'cause I've probably slept with it. 303 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:55,192 - You know, I know that gay is done to death, 304 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,195 but I'm gonna make the argument that it is back in a big way. 305 00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,719 Can you feel me, girl? 306 00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,288 I guess you cannot. 307 00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:08,205 . 308 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,294 [buttons clicking together] 309 00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,427 - [softly] Buttons. 310 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:15,038 [plastic crackling] 311 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,911 - [softly] Cellophane. 312 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,783 [pills rattling] 313 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:25,005 - [softly] Lorazepam. 314 00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,967 - Since we're live, 315 00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:34,101 if there are any sounds you would like to hear 316 00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:36,059 or questions you have, 317 00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:37,757 just hit us up. 318 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,237 - I have a question. 319 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,850 Who told Luke 320 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:47,201 that he was just a booty call? 321 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:53,947 - That...was me. 322 00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:59,387 - Why? 323 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:03,260 - Why not? 324 00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:06,829 - Do you have any idea 325 00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:10,224 how furious I am? 326 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:15,751 - It's kind of hard to tell. 327 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:20,495 - I could make it clearer. 328 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,324 [knuckles cracking] 329 00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,893 - Would you two 330 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,852 like to take this outside? 331 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:34,161 - Why, that's a great idea. 332 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,903 - Or... 333 00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,819 it's a bad idea, 334 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,865 because Karen's rings 335 00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:46,869 leave welts. 336 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:51,221 all: Welts. 337 00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:54,050 - I had a good thing going, 338 00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:57,488 and you ruined it. 339 00:13:57,532 --> 00:14:01,797 - Stop yelling at me. 340 00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,582 - Why don't you just try 341 00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:07,411 being honest with my brother? 342 00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:09,065 - I will. 343 00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:10,937 But first, 344 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,852 I would like 345 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,810 to reach across 346 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,465 this table 347 00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:21,208 and pull your balls... 348 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,999 out through your ears. 349 00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,439 - Mr. Truman, give me one good reason 350 00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,920 why your child should have the final spot? 351 00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,269 - Okay. 352 00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:40,401 Okay. 353 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,359 We're at that part of the conversation. 354 00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:45,275 I'm not above writing a check. 355 00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,016 One to the school, 356 00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:49,018 and one to a certain little guy 357 00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:52,239 who I'm sure wants the newest Nintendo Switch. 358 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:57,200 - I made $15,000 last week shorting Apple stock. 359 00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,464 And if I want a Nintendo Switch, 360 00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,162 I'll build one. 361 00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:07,863 - Well, this has been very... 362 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,518 informative. 363 00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,476 Is there anything else you can think of 364 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,304 that would help your case? 365 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,566 - Oh, okay. 366 00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,307 I thought we'd get here. 367 00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:20,615 Just so you know, I'm not above writing a check 368 00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:23,487 to a certain lady 369 00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:26,882 who may want a new iPhone case. 370 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,975 - I'm good. 371 00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:35,630 Ah, looks like Farhan's ready to meet with you now. 372 00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:38,067 - [gasps] 373 00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:41,201 Oh, my God. You came here behind my back? 374 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:42,985 - You came here behind my back! 375 00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:46,641 - Yeah, but that's totally on brand for me. 376 00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:48,991 Look, I am just trying to do what's best for my child. 377 00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:50,471 - Yeah, but so am I. 378 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:53,474 But let's face it, Grace, I mean, given the parents, 379 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,519 mine is obviously gonna be a better candidate 380 00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:56,520 for this school. 381 00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:58,000 - What do you mean by that? 382 00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,002 - Well, you know, it's a very 383 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,091 academically oriented environment. 384 00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:03,223 - And? 385 00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,486 - And I am very academically oriented. 386 00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:08,010 I'm a professor at Columbia Law School. 387 00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,229 Look, it's a little bit more 388 00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:11,057 than picking out tassels for throw pillows. 389 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:14,625 - [gasps] And there it is. 390 00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:17,237 You think I'm dumb. 391 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,717 And you think my kid is gonna be dumb. 392 00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:22,459 - I do not think your kid is gonna be dumb. 393 00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:24,984 - Thank you. 394 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,377 Wait. 395 00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:30,163 You just need to feel smarter because you know 396 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,034 that everyone likes me best. 397 00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:34,254 - "Better" is the word you use when comparing two options. 398 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:37,561 - And this is why everyone likes me best. 399 00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,346 - Oh, whatever, this isn't a school for people 400 00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,000 with more Facebook friends. 401 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,349 It's a school for smart people. 402 00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,090 - Well, why don't you just homeschool your kid? 403 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:47,702 That way, you can teach him how to have a stick up his ass. 404 00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,965 - Excuse me? 405 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,054 We try to keep the energy neutral 406 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,100 in the Mindfulness Hallway. 407 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,277 - He started it. - She's dumb. 408 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,022 . 409 00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:06,503 [upbeat piano music] 410 00:17:07,852 --> 00:17:09,811 - Just wanted to say good-bye. 411 00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:13,858 Listen, 412 00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,730 about the whole "booty call" thing-- 413 00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,123 - I get it. 414 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,907 It's not like you were coming up here once a week 415 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:22,824 so we could pick out timeshares in Vermont together. 416 00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,869 - Vermont. 417 00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,915 Like that's even a thing. 418 00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:31,702 - It's 'cause of this, right? 419 00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,835 - Oh, honey, no. 420 00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,880 That just makes it more fun. 421 00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,491 It adds an element of danger, 422 00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:40,102 like doing it on the "Jurassic Park" ride. 423 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,932 The one in Orlando, not California. 424 00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:48,589 The truth is, 425 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:51,809 I've had a rough time this last year. 426 00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,464 I guess a booty call 427 00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:57,641 is about all I can handle right now. 428 00:17:57,685 --> 00:18:01,167 - Well, I think I'm looking for a little more. 429 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:05,040 - Are you breaking up with me? 430 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,825 Well, you better lawyer up, you ungrateful mother-- 431 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,088 oh! 432 00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:17,096 Sorry, reflex. Okay. 433 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:19,881 [sighs] What I'm trying to say is, 434 00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:23,232 I'm glad that you're ready to get back out there. 435 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:26,888 - Well, I think some of that's thanks to you. 436 00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:29,499 - Happy to help. 437 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:39,205 - Hey. 438 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:42,730 One more for the road? 439 00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:43,861 - Why not? 440 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,602 This picnic's not gonna spank itself. 441 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:51,217 ♪ 442 00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:57,614 - Well, this is humiliating. 443 00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:58,963 - Yes, it is. 444 00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,226 Thanks to you. 445 00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:01,314 - Me? 446 00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:02,793 You're the one who used half the words 447 00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:05,796 on the forbidden word wall! 448 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,017 - Again, the Contrition Cubby is for gentle reflection, 449 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,801 not hostility. 450 00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:13,935 - Well, it should have a TV. 451 00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:16,155 - It's my sociology project. 452 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,940 It's a commentary on mass incarceration. 453 00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:20,637 Without personal accountability, 454 00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,639 one can never be truly free. 455 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,992 - Fine, I'm sorry I called you dumb. 456 00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:28,993 You're not. 457 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,605 - And I'm sorry I said 458 00:19:31,648 --> 00:19:33,694 nobody liked you. 459 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:34,825 It's not everyone. 460 00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:37,611 Just the people we know. 461 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,787 We good? - No. 462 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,659 - [sighs] 463 00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:46,185 I am sorry I was so selfish. 464 00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:49,840 You're my entire support system through this, 465 00:19:49,884 --> 00:19:52,626 and the first sign of trouble, 466 00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:54,236 I threw you overboard. 467 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,847 - I did the same thing to you. 468 00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:58,588 No matter how much I tell myself, 469 00:19:58,632 --> 00:19:59,981 "My kid doesn't need two parents," 470 00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:02,157 I worry I won't be enough. 471 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,290 You know, not getting in to the right school 472 00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,770 just felt like I was already failing. 473 00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:10,034 - There's no part of this that I want to do without you. 474 00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:11,340 - Me neither. 475 00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:15,953 This is more important than some fancy school. 476 00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:18,695 - It seems like we've had a breakthrough. 477 00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:21,220 Rainbow, release them, please. 478 00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:22,960 [xylophone chimes] 479 00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:24,048 - You're free to go. 480 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:27,356 - Oh. - Thanks. 481 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,966 - Please leave the crayons. 482 00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:38,672 - Office supplies are very expensive. 483 00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:40,195 - You can tell Ms. Hinder-Haagen 484 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,893 that we are withdrawing our applications. 485 00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:45,809 - No need. The last spot was just filled. 486 00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:48,986 - Oh, hey, guys. 487 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:52,903 Guess who just got the last space for 2024. 488 00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:55,732 A mixed-race child of a single teen mom 489 00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:59,649 with two gay grandparents. 490 00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,782 Isn't that right, Samantha? 491 00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:06,308 I'm changing her name. I don't care.